What Do You Do When the World Overwhelms You?

38 words.

As of this past Wednesday, at 10:36pm that was the extent of my draft for this week's newsletter.

Full disclosure, the first 10 words were ‘I have no idea what I'm going to write about’. So there's that.

I’m avoiding this topic so hard.

Because I don’t want to talk about it.

Which will make perfect sense as you continue reading.

It's Like ESP, Just Not as Cool 😉

A few years ago, after several in-depth conversations with my therapist, she concluded that it was very likely that I am what you would call a Highly Sensitive Person, or HSP.

The term was coined by Dr. Elaine Aron in her book The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You

In her national bestseller, Elaine defines a distinct personality trait that affects as many as 1 out of every 5 people. According to Dr. Aron’s definition, the highly sensitive person (HSP) has a sensitive nervous system, is aware of subtleties in his/her surroundings, and is more easily overwhelmed when in a highly stimulating environment.

Compared to the 80% without the trait, they process everything around them much more — reflect on it, elaborate on it, make associations.

Upon examining a few of the traits, I found a few that definitely resonated:

• Do you get rattled when you have a lot to do in a short amount of time?

• Do you make a point of avoiding violent movies / TV shows?

• Do you need to withdraw during busy days?

• Do you make it a priority to arrange your life to avoid overwhelming situations?

Ding ding.

While highly sensitive people are sometimes negatively described as being ”too sensitive“, it is a personality trait that brings both strengths and challenges.

There's an oft-quoted phrase from the world of business that says something to the effect of ”what gets measured gets managed“.

Here's how I apply that phrase in this context.

What I try to measure regularly is my ability to connect with the people that mean the most to me in my life.

I also reflect on how I’ve interacted with and/or treated people that I care about in the past and what I can do to be better.

Why am I writing about this today?

It's simple. My intention with these letters is to encourage you to share your story. Because here’s the thing:

You can’t take it with you.

Several years ago, I went through a Cross Fit wave (which I need to get back on, but that's the subject of another letter).

There was a sign posted above the door frame, which you would see on your way out of the gym after every workout:

It’s been a few years, and I might have butchered the full quote, but the point was, that by the time you walked through those doors, you should have been physically pushed to the brink of what you thought was possible.

You were leaving with the satisfaction of knowing that you truly gave it your all during the time you were there. It was a great way to start the day.

That’s the same story here in life.

When you’re on your deathbed, you truly want to have ZERO regrets. So that means sharing tough stories.

I realize this can be an embarrassing topic, but I'll have you reflect on this for as long as you need to.

Could it be that all you're doing is thinking about yourself?

What would people think about you?

What will they say about you?

Try not to make this about yourself.

A recent experience drove me to dig deeper into my personal behaviors. Moments where I would say “oh that’s just the way I am”, etc.

Something I've been aware of for most of my life is my tendency to avoid confrontational situations. Needless to say, in my partnership, friendships, family, and in life, that’s just not sustainable over the long-term.

So there I was at 11:33pm, Googling “deeper connection”, “avoidant personality”.

You Down With APD?

My search led me to learn about Avoidant Personality Disorder (APD), a mental health condition defined by extreme social anxiety combined with a distorted and painful self-image that violently disrupts everyday function.

Now, I don't think I have it to the extreme degree described above, but certainly some flavor of it.

While people with social anxiety disorder may experience difficulties with social interaction to varying degrees, social anxiety disorder itself does not require the presence of a specific type of relationship with oneself.

Even generally confident people with healthy self-esteem can struggle with the condition. A few of the symptoms which resonated:

• Self-imposed isolation

• Hypersensitivity to criticism

• Fear of rejection

• Avoidance of social interactions (this one not so much but I definitely need a reset period after a week-long conference)

• Believing that you are unwelcome in social situations (regardless of whether such feelings have any basis in reality)

Starting With the Man in the Mirror

This self-reflection thing is no joke.

But I firmly believe continuing down this path will make me a better person and a better partner / friend / son / brother.

So all this to say…

If you’re struggling to figure out why you’re having challenges in your life, in your business, in your relationship, or any other interaction, don’t just write if off as “that’s just the way I am”

That’s lazy.

And that’s doing a disservice to the people who care about you and with whom you have a more-than-surface-level relationship.

Go deeper.

Yes, I get it, I know what you’re thinking…

My (insert: culture / religion / upbringing / background / parents / family) made me this way.

That’s bullshit.

Take ownership over the course of your life.

Start today.

🙏 with gratitude,

Harry

What I Created This Week

🎧 Vertical Farming Podcast (Season 6) sponsored by Cultivatd

• Episode 72 | Augmented Reality & AI in CEA: The Intersection of Technology & Humanity with Allison Kopf, iUNU's Chief Growth Officer

🙋‍♀️ P.S. When You're Ready...

Here are a few of ways I can help…

✡️ Download a free copy of my Conscious Voice Expansion Plan. The most powerful way to transmit and elevate your voice is with a podcast. This plan will outline for you the pillars of success needed prior to the launch of your show!

🎥 Watch my free video, 5 Key Pillars of a Profitable Podcast that every business owner needs to know prior to launching their show.

🎙️ Subscribe to Podcast Junkies + Vertical Farming Podcast to hear inspiring stories guaranteed to make you a better host.

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